The Hierarchy of the Aces

Public Scrutiny and Social Media

2012-01-17T03:18:00.000-08:00

I have now realized why I am not very ecstatic whenever I would be starting writing blog posts again. Well, after few centuries of self-denial and self-deprecation, I have come in terms with the fact that, I don't like my blog since it's not as funny as I thought Ace Ventura should be.

(Did I just make correct references or I still suck at doing those)

But then, it might seem a bit off that I am engaging in a very intellectual conversation with my self, knowing that the only replies that I will get are from my own self-proclaimed wit and humor. Yes, I do talk to myself a lot, and I tend to be very good at it, rather, very good at feeding myself thoughts that I think and what my brain would conceive to be correct. Perhaps that would be the case, but I am not one to tell and to judge.

People who, by some mistake or by some miracle of the Lord would read my title would think that I would be tackling some area of concern that is very relevant nowadays. Well, i think I am not making much sense if I tell them that those would be the first five things that are in my mind as of the moment.

Well, I might as well waste my time on trying to make coherent explanations on what are my views on public scrutiny as well as in social media.

(Sigh)

Well, for a fact, I have no right to discuss what public scrutiny is since I am not very familiar with the topic, let alone discuss it in full length (unless I would opt to copy paste from different "reliable sources"). But all I know is that public scrutiny would be the idea on how one. hjfkhjksadhfkiahfjsiadfkjdslkgfsakdgjklsajglkad.

Ok, as of this moment, I have lost my momentum, my fervor as well as my train of thought to as why I would be writing such. I am at lost for words as of the the moment and I again blame my brain that seems to be very dysfunctional this past few weeks because of I dunno, alcohol or nicotine.

I probably should stop as of the moment while I am doing brain laps to be able to coherently think of something else that is also worth the waste of my time. Hopefully I didn't waste your.

Ciao

Just A Request

2011-08-23T04:29:00.001-07:00

One request that I have recently.

I want you to be my girl again.

There. I said it.

Degrading Ideas

2011-08-23T04:07:00.000-07:00

So I realized that I only have 40 posts in this blog of mine and "ang kapal naman ng mukha ko" to raise my hand everytime someone would ask if someone has a blog.

Yes, you might argue that technically I have a blog in all, but in my mind, I consider you're argument very much invalid even if you still persist to present me with objective and definitive proof of why this is a blog. Again yes, this is technically a blog, but I don't consider it a blog unless its populated by the whole lot of my ideas, and oh, populated by more than 10% of my brain usage (I don't believe the fact that an average normal being only utilizes 10% of his or her brain, that's like, so unbelievable).

I just had a "conyo" moment there, sorry about that.

Oh yes, going back. I'm really disappointed with my so-called blog. The earlier posts contain seriously disturbed thoughts, mid-posts contain too-corny posts that if I read it again, I myself would die of embarrassment and the later posts which contains unstructured and just random thoughts. See, something is wrong with this blog. I could even gave Shakespeare a run for his money (whatever that means). And I also remembered that I made a posts on the promises that I would want to do regarding this blog. But then boom, promises are really meant to be broken, "saktong-politiko-sa-bansa-lang-ah".

At this point on, I don't want to make false promises again. I just want to write again, like what I used to do (but not really often). I would want to structure my thoughts and be able to write in something that when some stray people would be able to read it, they might take an ounce of pride in what I wrote since they were moved, they were able to relate, or they were just plainly entertained.

Oh, did I mention that I should also be writing in Tagalog as well, combination of Filipino Pride kicking in and there a better comic relief in using the main vernacular. Reaches a larger audience and you get to encrypt messages and foreigners would just complain of racism.

Ciao. Maybe later I'll write again.

P.S
Oh SNAP! I made another promise. *makes straight face*

Proud To Be Filipino. Oh Really Now?

2011-07-03T03:57:00.000-07:00

Oh yeah, it's always on the buzz recently, with all of the Manny Pacquiao, Charice and Arnel Pineda making all the headlines, you couldnt help but feel proud of yourself being FILIPINO.

And this just it, I'm so proud that I'm a Filipino after the "Philippine" Football team Azkals won against Sri Lanka for the elimination for the World Fifa Finals. (I think some of the information there are wrong, but thats not the point here.) My biggest congratulations to the team, and for the Philippines for having another achievement for the country.

But here's the thought, a lotta people are saying that they are proud to be Filipino in twitter. Nothing wrong with that, just some nationalistic pride kicking in, nothing wrong with that if you yourself are always proud of your own lineage. Of course people are only proud that they are Filipino when something good about the Philippines come in the headlines. But when you see anything that further deteriorates or destroys the image of the Philippines to the whole world, you'll find most of them saying that they'd be better off if they were in another country or just support the entire claim and wouldnt do anything to change the current state.

I know I'm not making any much sense right now, but I'd appreciate it more if you continue to be proud that you are a Filipino despite the towering garbage in the Smokey Mountains or the impoverished faces of our kababayans in the slums. And it would count more if you would be thinking of ways on how to put a solution to these problems.

Nationalism doesn't just end with you being proud of our achievements or the achievements of other Filipinos, but you also think of ways on how to alleviate the state of the country. And I think that has a deeper and profound sense of being rather than just joining the bandwagon of supporting those who are already popular but just make a name for the Philippines, but never make any solutions for change.

And if you are curious why I placed quotes on Philippines when referring to the team, its because the composition of the teams as well as their lineage are not entirely Pinoy, does Younghusband sound Manila-ish to you. Pero I think thats kinda irrelevant right now.

Pero, thats just food for thought.

Social Angst 1: Hating The Nothing But Yourself

2011-06-11T22:30:00.000-07:00

So I just saw this picture of me, and how I can see that my emotional maturity hasn't even change on a very large scale. Well, I thought I could disprove a lot of facts about myself, but sometimes, really, its still the same. Yes, I'm a very maladaptive guy (according to PERSEF3) and I have tendencies to create different faces depending on the situation.

Of course, I end up hurting myself a lot big time. And yah, I'm starting to regret a lot of decisions that I ended up doing this year. I wanna quit some, but I don't want them to reflect on me. Of course, its a lot of benefits for me in the long run, but I'm no longer enjoying.

Urgh, I'm confused now and I don't know what I'm writing anymore. I confused because I don't know why and I don't wanna care, but I don't wanna let it boil up either. I hate my life right now. I hate seeing people right now. I'm back to my destructive self. I hate the sad reality of what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm hating again and I swore I'd never hate again.

I just wanna punch someone randomly in the face. I wanna punch the mirror. I just wanna feel pain, then just wallow up in the back like some lost dog.

Fuck this life. I wanna sleep and wake up when all of this is over.

Sometimes, screw the thought that I started this, then I should end this. Stop now please.

2011-05-28T21:08:00.000-07:00

For the past two years, I've been with a lot of awesome people. Really, a single person couldnt expect and ask nothing more from them.

Well, we were really unique individuals from the very start, but we have one goal in mind and I think that is what keeps us together. Oh, I forgot, it was the idea that we are a family that keeps us bonded and one with what we wanted to do.

After two years, some of us took the the same road again, while some of us already pursued different things for their life. But I will not forget them. Well, I won't allow myself too, and frankly I think they would be thinking of the very same thing. Haha

I probably should invite them for lunch one of these days, while I'm not yet swallowed up by a lot of things.

Gone are the Days

2011-05-28T20:38:00.001-07:00

Well, gone are the days that I looked like a scrawny kid from the province with a twisted mind, anti-social inclinations and shallow desires (well some shallow desires still stay with me).

College gave me a new and clean slate. Like if I create a venn diagram comparing me from high school and me right now in college, there's little similarities in the middle and a brighter perspective on the right side of the diagram. Haha

But still, I'm a frustrated arts-man. Frustrated at writing, drawing and even doodling. I'm stuck with programming as of the moment, but hey, I'm getting the hang of it. Haha. And I still like laughing and placing "haha" in every comment or text to fill up some of the empty spaces.

And yeah, this world of mine in the internet rarely gets updated. That sucks. I did promise again and again that I would updating this one, but uhh I get slurry and I end up writing nothing at all.

Which reminds me, what was I supposed to be talking about. Haha

Well, gone are the days that I try to act like I control everything, I just let myself be soupy sometimes.

Relatively Awesome

2011-01-03T04:05:00.000-08:00

Describe me in one word today: HAPPY

But really, I'm happy almost everyday of my life. Screw my mouth if I always have that upside-down smile.

Just last week, well, I was really tired, but I had an awesome weekender. Hooray!

Thanks to someone.

I don't wanna expound just yet, since we havent talked and all. But kudos to a beautiful life ahead :))

FCUK. Im Confused

2011-01-02T21:22:00.000-08:00

Ok, now, so creating another blog from your original gmail proved to be just a little bit too troublesome. I'm kidding, I find it too troublesome.

Just the other day, I had this interplanetary slap that allowed me to write another post in my forsaken blog about some random stuff I was thinking about at the moment. And since ages ago I thought that I would be blogging again so I had a quicklink in my menu bar. Then obviously I clicked the icon, and voila, I haven't logged out. It was my blog, entitled "The Hierarchy of the Aces" (which actually is the name of my other blog). To cut the long crap short, I wrote, finished the whole thing and clicked PUBLISH.

Oh Boy, was I in a surprise when I saw that I only had four posts there, and ka-ching, I remembered, wrong blog.

Well I told myself that I would be migrating those entries in this blog. But I realized that I would get the dates all mixed up so I rather not. BUMMER.

Any way, I should just provide the links to compensate for my stupidity. I think that would placate me just a little bit. Or not.

Well hey, I think this is my first blog of the year. And I'm feeling so great that I think I would still add a lot of though to this one. Maybe who knows, I can make 365++ posts even if I didn't post anything during the first two days of the month of the new year.

Cheers to me!

P.S
And oh, I decided I'm gonna use King Curse Mark from now on instead of thunder raikent. Brings out a lot of bad memories, the name that is.

So prepared to be cursed, I mean astounded by King Curse Mark (That was random)

Tanikala Isa: Nangangalumbaba at Nakaupo sa Kawalan

2010-05-01T21:56:00.000-07:00

Recently, I've started writing in Tagalog.

I don't know if its my own patriotism kicking in or I'm just assuming that Tagalog has a more comic effect than that of the Hurrahs and Hurrays of the English language.

Matagal na akong naghahanap ng isang konkretong kaisipan na maari kong mailathala, mabigyan ng buhay at mabigyan ng identidad. Mahirap nga lang na isipan na kahit na nais mong gawan ng isang magandang prosa ang ganitong bagay ay may nakaisip na nito, or better yet, someone already made the job of making it into a masterpiece.

Buhay nga naman, its really small that you end up seeing it in all its four corners. (Musni, 2010)

Nais ko sanang isulat ang aking pagkapanalo sa wikang aking kinagisnan, ngunit, nawawalan ako ng gana sa gitna ng pagbibigay pugay dito. Its unfair for me not to give myself credit when I know that I deserve it - I have the bragging rights, but its quite stupid for you to brag about when you know that someone might not even take time to read it.

Its like talking to an empty stretch of parchment - it never replies, nor does it give any intentions of making you feel any more better. (Musni, 2010)

Maybe I'll stop now, and maybe, just maybe, mamaya I have something better to write rather than quote on random stuff that I know everyone already knows.

See yah later.

Parang Tanga

2010-04-07T03:23:00.000-07:00

Alam niyo ba yung feeling na dapat, you are supposed to do something really, really important, as in yung tipobng fuck yeah important, pero andito ka pa din sa blog mo, nagsusulat, at patuloy ap rin na iniisip kung anong dapat gawin upang magkaroon ka ng ideas that are fresh from the oven.

For the past few days, kulang ang ideas na pumapasok sa utak ko, para inaamag na ata yung dati kong tinatawag na "writing prowess" ko. Nasaan na kaya yun? Hindi naman siguro nagtatago yun sa sulok ng bulok na mundo na pilit tinatakasan ng tao.

To hell with creative ideas. Gawa na lang tayo ng blog, baka sakali may maisip pa tayo. Teka nga, ginagawa ko na pala, para na talaga akong tanga, nauulol, nababaliw, natutulala at parang baliw na aanga-anga sa walang pakundangan na pag-ilaw ng LCD sa aking harapan.

Nakakadismaya ngayon ang aking isip, nawawalan ng kulay, parang balck and white ng digicam, buti nga hindi sepia, mas malala pa nun ang inabot ng utak at pag-iisip ko. Nakakalungkot man isipin na wala na ngang makubuluhang bagay ang napaparito sa aking isipan, ngunit, meron pa din nung mga random moments kung saan, parang poof! may inspiration ka, Yes! makakapagsulat ka nanaman ng isang makabuluhan na tanikala na maaaring ipagmalaki mo.

Oops.

Ang corny pala.

Parang you just have to sigh. Face reality, at pabayaan na maglakad na lamang ang mga daliri sa keyboard ng computer, in hopes na makakatsamba at makakagawa ng tanikalang matagal ko nang hinahanap.

Parang tanga eh, buti naman hindi mas masahol sa gago.

The World As We Know It

2010-02-17T00:51:00.000-08:00

The world as we know it ladies and gentlemen, is indeed

a very UNFAIR setting, where

IDIOTS

MORONS

HOOLIGANS

Cant do anything to survive.

The world is not full of glitz and glamour that politicians and celebrities promise us, but its a life that we got to live.

Its a life that would make us tough.

Its a life where we have to let go of a few things to hold on to better ones

Its a life where love can sometimes be the cause of destruction

And its a life that we can run away from

I Really Tried Sleeping With A Broken Heart

2010-01-08T19:31:00.000-08:00

It really doesn't feel good at all. Try closing your eyes and you see her face, her smile and everything that she is flashing on rewind and on playback on your mind, like a ballerina on an endless waltz.

I hate this feeling of longing whenever you wanted to tell her that you still want to be the one beside her, yet she ignores and avoids. Its like walking forward to catch up with her, but the space doesn't even close up even a tiny fraction of an inch.

Am I not man enough, nor am I not enough?

I constantly ask myself that silly fucking question if whether I deserve another persons heart; another persons time; and another persons hand.

Maybe its not the same way as I want it to be etched in destiny.

Maybe its meant to be that way.

Maybe its meant that I end up picking up myself from misery while another constantly assures her that she is worth it.

I can not find the assurance of my worth.

I have long been out of the game, the competition for her that I made in my mind.

I have long been the loser, battling against a battle already lost.

But just look my way again, and I'll be more than glad to show you that I more than what I once was, and what he is.

I Love You are only remaining weapons in my arsenal, and I will still fight with this, even though I am all wounded and bruised up.

I Love You, remember that. And no shadow nor lyre can keep me away from that.

Tomorrow Signals Forever

2009-12-14T00:08:00.000-08:00

November 2, 2009
08:23 pm

Hours from now, the night would now wane into a new day, like it always does. But, tomorrow would be different. Tomorrow would not be the same day like any other day that I wish to end. Part of me is reluctant to wake up to that day, but a better part tells me to look at the adventures in store.
Tomorrow I say goodbye to my childish dreams of flying like a superhero and fighting off bad guys, or even dreams of growing old. Tomorrow, I say goodbye to the boogeyman in my closet or the ghost underneath my bed. Tomorrow, I say goodbye to my dreams of being a child, a kid, and a pre-teen, who would always babble over senseless clichés and fuss over random faux pax.
Tomorrow, I would once again leave a part of me behind my past, thinking of ever looking back at it again. And tomorrow, dreams of me becoming a prince charming saving a damsel in distress would now be put to its halt and would remain as a fleeting memory of my insecurities.
When the clock strikes twelve, and when I open my dew-laden eyes, I think I would now be looking at the whole world with a new perspective, viewing a farther horizon on what I once can see for the past seventeen years of my life.
Yes, tomorrow, I am turning eighteen, branded as a young-adult – a new member to the adult population of the country, and another insecure, inferior and pimple-marked teen who just went out of his sheltered cocoon, waiting for the things that would be thrown at him of the so-called life.
I am eighteen tomorrow. And the dawn of the thought isn’t hitting me right now. Perhaps tomorrow, when my friends text me their greetings, or they ask you for a free treat, that the idea of me turning a year old would smack me squarely in the face. But tonight, as I exhaust of what is left of what I think is my talent in writing, the truth is quite elusive; evading my thoughts of entering adulthood, evading of what would seem as my idea of being a man than a boy.
I am thankful that tomorrow, I survived yet another mortal year; surviving yet another game of hide and go seek together with death; and surviving yet another encounter with God’s judgment day.
I am thankful that I live.
I am thankful that I got a really nice family that just does what a family does.
I am thankful that I got the best set of friends, both from La Salle and my province in Bikol.
I am thankful that I got to meet a lot of people who help me build a puzzle of who I am.
I am thankful that I am in one of the best schools in the country.
And I am thankful to God that I still am alive for the past eighteen years.
It’s not everyday that I write about what is running around in my mind, and it’s not everyday that I turn eighteen.
Tomorrow, when I wake up, maybe, just maybe, the facts about my birthday aren’t going to hit me straight in the face unless I’m already eating noodles which my mom would cook for me.
Tomorrow, I say goodbye to a fragment of what I call my seventeen year-old memory, and would say hello to my new 18 year old memory.
Happy Birthday John Mark, and I wish you all the luck that you can get.

Of Weird Clouds and Youtube

2009-12-12T18:49:00.000-08:00

Does anyone know what these weird words are for?

Just recently, I knew that these random words stand for tag clouds that you would usually find at youtube.
(Believe me, I just recently knew this one, and just recently I knew that this kind of thing exists.)

But back to reality.
Last November 25, we did an experiment for one of our subjects in school wherein we would be monitoring the video traffic or the videos that are being uploaded in youtube for a span of 6 hours.

It was really a long wait, and for every two hours we have to take note of the videos recently uploaded and the genre of the video, as well as from what country the video was uploaded from.

Tally:

How to – 7
Entertainment – 35
People & Blogs – 48
Comedy – 15
Music – 20
Sports – 14
News & Politics – 8
Travel & Events – 4
Education – 6
Auto & Vehicles – 6
Removed – 4
Pets & Animals – 3
Gaming – 5
Film – 4
Non-Profits & Activism – 1
Science – 2

Total Videos: 182

• Most commonly used tags: Entertainment, People & Blogs

• Average length of video upload: 2-3 minutes

• Average age of the video uploader: 17-20 years old

• Statistics of uploads by country:

• Statistics of uploads by language:

• Count of videos blocked: 1 but 3 videos were removed.

Other significant results:
• There were new categories added to the usual categories such as Non-Profits and Activism.

Toying with Old Memoirs and Bluer Skies

2009-11-11T18:39:00.000-08:00

Nostalgia

It's always like that whenever you miss the people that you really hold dear, despite your sentiments against them, as well as their shortcomings.

It's always like that, always.

But, I really don't get it why its that why.

It might be some lingering feeling of guilt over the people that you want to prove yourself again. To show that you are worth it, and not just a face in the background of each class picture taken.

I just read some common Bicol terms in the library recently, and it made me feel all nostalgic. Its like black and white images, still and moving, are flashing in my mind one by one - like a movie on repeat. Its like a film, that ceases to end, and would continue to linger, to transcend and to withstand the test of time.

All of them in the picture, including me have moved on with our lives. We chose the path that we want to pursue, chased the dreams that we long for, and made the mistakes that our mind can't fathom just yet. Most of us chose paths that time has been pushing down on us, but some were courageous to go against the flow and cast their own shadow.

I wanted to cast my own shadow. But that's not possible at this moment. Nor at any other moment at a time called youth.

But let's go back.

Once upon a time, I met all of them, and like happily ever after, i will remember them.

Copyright

2009-09-02T01:25:00.000-07:00

Be forewarned..

All essays in this blog are placed under a copyright, and those who are caught plagiarizing any of these works would meet their due reprimands.

Thank you for understanding, and would be updating soon.

Promise

2009-08-02T17:43:00.000-07:00

Promises are meant to be broken

But this promise I will not break.

My blogs, namely, Hierarchy of the Aces and Insanity.Profanity.Dignity would be undergoing a major overhaul.

For Hierarchy of the Aces:
* Deleting corny and cheesy entries like the song and writing about the true human life and adversaries.

* Writing seriously, and exhausting all means to practice my writing prowess.

* To write friendly and user-friendly entries.

* And to show my true ego!

For Insanity.Profanity.Dignity:

* More topics. I wish i don't run out of ideas.

Stay tuned!

Knowing

2009-02-25T04:15:00.000-08:00

If You Only Knew

Then Would You Know?

Would It Change Anything?

If You Only Knew that every laugh is commensurate to a stab to my already fragile heart

If You Only Knew That I was looking for someone who would make me smile

But then, would that make a difference?

Then Would You Know, How Sad It Is to Be Me

Make ME Laugh, and I'll be gone from the darkness

Then Would You Know, how it is to be the real me...

2009-02-18T15:50:00.000-08:00

My Eyes Hurt
So Does My Heart
When Will Pain End
When Will My Wounds Mend

I'm A Loser

But I'm Obviously Lying

It's called FRONTS and I am fully capable of doing it so.

LIE LIE and LIE some more

Maybe the world is just a world full of the web of lies. An entire connection of fallacies, false hopes, empty promises within the wor;d in which we could not decipher.

We continue living in this world of lies, not knowing that we too are both the victims and the suspects of the same crime.

The truth is as bleak as the future. Its incomprehensible, its enigmatic, yet its not real.

A Lie, it is just a LIE.

2009 : Resolutions and Cliches

2009-01-26T03:59:00.000-08:00

Its the start of a new year once again ladies ad gentlemen, and word on the street is, its going to be a lucky green year because its the year of the earth ox.

*I thought that since its the EARTH ox, it couldve been brown.*

Anywho. The start of the new year, well, triggers the quite funny antics of people who wish to clamor for change and want to start the new year right. People often promise to do this to a certain extent, but ends up breaking the promise after an unforeseen circumstance. Filipino's are quite fond of this antic, and so does the rest of the world. They call it their new years resolution, but I call it a cliche.

Every year, its like part of an ancient Filipino New Year tradition, the media noche, the making of those irritating noises when midnight strikes, the creepy polkadot dress and shirts, the frantic running just to open all the lights in the house, the illogical jumping up and down just to gain some height, and, ah,yes, the new years resolution.

"Oh, you know mommy, i have a new years resolution up my sleeve...*with eyes whose expression was like she found her doll that was ravaged by racoons*"

"What is it baby?? *with all the weird enthusiasm of a mother*"

"I wont lie anymore... *better hope his fingers were crossed*"

And so many other resolutions like this kept on harping and being heard all over the town, like so and so would not drink anymore (but would eventually drink when there is an "occassion"), and that so and so would be faithful, would try harder on his or her studies, would stop loving, would work hard, and other mundane stuff that they speak of.

Truly, it is the more brilliant example that it is easier said than done.

You know what I mean, these people *including me for the record* would babble up somr random stuff that he or wishes to do in order to attain change. New Years Resolution in fact are one of te most effective avenues where one couldve seen the things where they really do have flaws, and one of the many ways in which people would want to strive for change either for the betterment of themselves or the people around them in general.

But what is wrong in this scenario is that, you have to wait for 365 day intervention in order for people to wish change for themselves. They isolated themselves in an idea that "hey, its a new year, maybe I should change my attitude". Their sole distinct mark for change is just to wait for a new year so that there could be change.

What if the country was like that. What if the Philippines wanted to change the way the economy operates for the betterment, but would still wait for that 365 day time line.

Like the rest of the things that God created in this world, we could only attain the change we want if would do it in a daily basis, not just a one time big time promise that only happens once a year. If we would like something to improve within ourselves so that we could become better citizens of our nation and better children of God, we might as well try to find our humane faults and try to deal with them, like the saying, strike while the iron is hot. We must try to reduce the faults that we have into a minimal level so that it does not accumulate to anymore mistakes that we would likely do in the future. Why wait for a 365 day period just to see the many faults that you have already accumulated, where in one day at a time, you couldve changed it, and become a better person at the end of the year, and emerge as an even better person at its start.

All people do want to babble up things for the betterment of themselves, but they neglect the fact that change does not happen in a day. It takes a serious amount of time to achieve the thing or the change that you want, be it minute or ginormous. Its a step by step account on what are the things that we want to do just to achieve that change.

We might not as well strive for divine intervention or extreme enlightenment, but just random acts that would compound to the change we desire would be our best means, rather than resorting to such fallacies(?) like resolutions.

Are we still up for resolutions?

I know i'm not.

Northern Downpour and The Moon

2008-12-28T04:59:00.000-08:00

The sky was crying its usual tears, like tomorrow was a day that would lay dead over its own resiliency. Walking along the rivers that escaped their deprecation from their origins, I too was escaping my own deprecations that consumes my very light.

"If all our life is but a dream
Fantastic posing greed
Then we should feed our jewelery to the sea
For diamonds do appear to be
Just like broken glass to me"

Like life on the verge of seeing illusions and fallacies. I see people, consumed by their own selfishness, sinking to the hollow depths on nothing that encompasses their return to mortality. I too was being consumed by the same mundane force that drives no one to sweet sanity. Yet, its still not pushing me down, for I was still holding on to something that, as dreary as the summer's light, was still there, reaching, grasping.

"And then she said she can't believe
Genius only comes along
In storms of fabled foreign tongues
Tripping eyes, and flooded lungs
Northern downpour sends its love"

Intelligence was what people always clamored for, not knowing that intelligence itself was with people all along. A fallacy popularized to be hide in stealth among its seekers. Knowledge was abundant, but we still search for it. It is already standing at our front, in a box, covered in pristine gold of wavering infidelity, but we insist on searching for it beyond our eyes reach. We are already too much engulfed in our humane sorrow and selfishness that we didnt know that we are already falling down.

"Hey moon, please forget to fall down
Hey moon, don't you go down"

Down, down, went the rain that washes over our dignity and our sanity. We are being pursued by our sins due to our attempts to climb up the pedestal of false promises. We continue to fall down, forgetting resiliency, forgetting sanity, forgetting life.

Sugarcane in the easy mornin'
Weathervanes my one and lonely

The doom is not promising, for the light of the eternal glory is making bleak responses over our shouts. The light is not deaf, nor are we mute, but we fail to acknowldge the fact of our indifference. The light is already shining, yet we turn blind to the truth we see, we clamor for for the fallacy that we are seemingly being consumed.

The ink is running toward the page
It's chasin' off the days
Look back at boat feet
And that winding knee
I missed your skin when you were east
You clicked your heels and wished for me

We were moving away from our real destination. We are so close to the end of our verses yet we say that we are far. We avoid the lesser of all evils and prefer the ones that stain our hands with blood after dusk has paved its way over the shores of our mundane thinkings. We slowly swim to the shore thinking that we could be saved while we are already being eaten by the sharks of our sins. Placid was the waters but we insist on its blind clarity. We cover up for the greater evil and accuse the lesser evils of the lies.

Through playful lips made of yarn
That fragile Capricorn
Unraveled words like moths upon old scarves
I know the world's a broken bone
But melt your headaches, call it home

We seek home, but home is within ourselves. We are already blind. We are already mute. For we forgot to see the things that lie within our horizons. We were so busy seeking that bounty of the world beyond the sun-filled horizon. We continue to be inflicted by our defects, and we continue to deprecate in our attempts for survival.

Hey moon, please forget to fall down
Hey moon, don't you go down

Sugarcane in the easy mornin'
Weathervanes my one and lonely

Sugarcane (hey moon) in
(Hey moon) the easy mornin'
Weathervanes (hey moon) my
(Hey moon) one and lonely

Sugarcane (hey moon) in (hey moon)
The easy (hey moon) mornin'
Weathervanes (hey moon) my (hey moon)
One (hey moon) and lonely

Sugarcane (hey moon) in (hey moon)
The easy (hey moon) mornin'
Weathervanes (hey moon) my (hey moon)
One (hey moon) and lonely

Hey moon, please forget to fall down
Hey moon, don't you go down
You are at the top of my lungs
Drawn to the ones who never yawn

Alas, the end has reached its death. But when will our insanity ever put to a halt.

Love Story

2008-12-05T21:35:00.000-08:00

Valentines Day is very near, and you could feel the love in the air - couples kissing, hugging, walking while holding hands, exchanging of flowers and chocolates and all sorts of crap that these lovebirds do just to show there affection.

Radio's are already being bombarded by songs that tell about love *sweet love - sigh*. Ranking number four on RX 93.1 is a song by Taylor Swift entitled Love Story.

In a nutshell, the song talks about a couple blablabla who fell in love. *By the way, love = crap*

I'll pose the lyrics for the boy version of the song, even though it pains me just reading the lyrics.

We were both young when you first saw me.
You closed your eyes and the flashback starts:
You're standing there on a balcony in summer air.

I See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns.
And See me make my way through the crowd
to say hello;

Little did you know
That I was Romeo; and was throwing pebbles,
And your daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet."
And you were crying on the staircase,
begging me, 'Please, don't go.'"

And you said,
"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'"

So you sneak out to the garden to see me.
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew.
So close your eyes; escape this town for a little while.
'Cause I was Romeo, I you were a scarlet letter,
And your daddy said "Stay away from Juliet,"
But you were everything to me; I was begging you, 'Please, don't go,'"

And you said,
"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

Romeo save me - they're tryin' to tell me how to feel;
This love is difficult, but it's real.
Don't be afraid; we'll make it out of this mess.
It's a love story - baby just say "Yes.'"

Oh.

You got tired of waiting,
Wondering if I was ever comin' around.
Your faith in me was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town,

And you said,
"Romeo save me - I've been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting for you but you never come.
Is this in thy head? I don't know what to think-"

I knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said,
"Marry me, Juliet - you'll never have to be alone.
I love you and that's all I really know.
I talked to your dad - go pick out a white dress;
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'"

Oh, oh.

We were both young when I first saw you...

To The Moon For All I Care

2008-12-05T18:43:00.000-08:00

Recently, I have been hearing songs whose titles aren't exactly included in the lyrics of the song.
Odd?
Perhaps not. But still i'm a bit curious on why fallout boy has named that song "I'm Like A Lawyer With The Way Im Trying to Get You Off" an only the phrase "me-e-e-e-e-e-e and you-ooooo setting on a honeymoon.."(no offense FOB) resounds on my head and all over the song.Even coldplay's song called "Viva la Vida" which doenst even have any trace of the lyrics.
But, still, i think its their technique on how they could garner there audiences and apply their profit-oriented strategies.
"The Moon For All I Care Anyone?"
Which brings me yet to another song whose title, is alas, not found on any part of the song. But whats good is the song is recently my ultimate LSS(Last Song Syndrome and sorry Chris Brown, even though Forever was my recent lss, I havent given you spots in my blog, ahahaha..).
Anyway, going back,the song is sung Search The City (I just recently knew the band because of my orgmate ).
I'll post the lyrics here and the songs, its up for you to judge whether its beautiful or not.
I'll just critique this song later, i'm studying for finals (T_T),..
hahaha

Lyrics to To The Moon For All I Care :
Don't hold me down
i'm not supposed to feel like i've been holding on for something else
i kept my feet on the ground,
too scared to see how far this could take me
but if i ever leave the ground,
there'd be nowhere to go but down

i'll take these chances just like the way you took a chance on me
i don't have any answers but i've been places and i've seen things

i love the way i said goodbye
this is my exit and your time to shine
so let me go, stop the search cause i found what i'm looking for
just like my favorite scene from my favorite movie
the world was spinning underneath my feet
but this ain't no Hollywood ending

tell me about my future cause i already know my past
let's make up for all the time we've missed
so let's just get this over with
this is just one more mistake i have to live with
so please forgive the escape from the world i hate

i'll take these chances just like the way you took a chance on me
i don't have any answers but i've been places and i've seen things
i've been places and i've seen things

i love the way i said goodbye
this is my exit and your time to shine
so let me go, stop the search cause i found what i'm looking for
just like my favorite scene from my favorite movie
the world was spinning underneath my feet
but this ain't no Hollywood ending

blame it on me, just blame it on me
don't you know i'm coming clean, yeah i'll take the heat
oh you're just about as honest as a liar could ever be

i love the way i said goodbye
this is my exit and your time to shine
so let me go, stop the search cause i found what i'm looking for
just like my favorite scene from my favorite movie
the world was spinning underneath my feet
but this ain't no Hollywood ending

to the moon

Should I End it NOw

2008-12-03T17:12:00.000-08:00

Should I End it NOw
December 11th, 2007 by markie990

Under the silent slumber of the city, I lay awake. Beneath me are the promises of a brighter future that went out of hand. The sound of the moving vehicles are very audible, perhaps too much for me too bear. The place where I lie is very cold, so cold. Cold as the hollow space that surrounds me.

Maybe I should end the crackling of the ember that still remains, the ember they call hope. I won’t wait anymore, for it must be soon.

Once again, I lay awake in the cold dark night, for what seemed to be a nightmare from my childhood, yet to my utmost horror, the same nightmare that still lingers on me up to this time. I have always wanted to escape this life, a life of sorrow, a life of beating and a life of nothing but the total emptiness that always engulf me from time to time. I never wanted this, but it always occurs in my mind. I can’t help it; maybe it’s my only option.

Childhood brings me back to my sad plight of escape. An escape from the world’s harsh reality in which no one could accept me even though I try my best. I loved everyone and everything deeply, even the pristine waters that turns to puddles of mud and even the blind man begging for money. I respected life’s way of living, yet, I think that life itself is trying to reject me. I am a believer- a believer of everything, believing in everything without a doubt. No one could stain my faith to my fellowmen, but my fellowmen are the ones that stain my very reason for living.
My dignity is being rubbed out by the very persons that surround me, trying to cradle me to oblivion. I plea for help, but they render me mute every time I do so. They hurt my very soul, and make me cry from the inside, but they never seem to bother and even laugh at me in a mocking tone. Every time they do, I wish I was deaf, but I was never one, they made me hear my desperate cries for escape. They threaten my very existence when I try to pursue my supposedly quiet life.
I shed tears of unknown reasons. They always kept an eye out for me, thinking that I would not do as they say, but I won’t, I was tied to the contract that threatens my whole-being.

Time after time, when I am out of my parents’ eyes, they take me forcefully, I couldn’t do anything, they point dangerous things at me, and the things they say would easily cut my thread of life. I was crying again, but they didn’t bother. They talked in hushed voices, in my little mind, they like were pirates trying to kidnap the princess, but this is not a typical fairy tale, this is reality. They arrived at a house, now they were delirious, while I was in the verge of shouting for help, but I still couldn’t do anything, again, I was stained by the very persons that surround me.

I despised my childhood! I never wanted that childhood of mine. If I were given a choice, I could’ve wished I was never a child. I cried over my stained childhood, cried over my abused childhood, cried over everything. I never learned to forgive them, the people who threatened my very existence. They are the reason why I still suffer. They are the reason why my fellowmen judged me harshly.

I want to end my life now, I want to end the tears flowing through my eyes everytime I remember the disappointment. I want to be free from the bondage that makes me a prisoner to my fate.
But, do I really want to end it?

Seeing everyone around me right now, I think of their story that is very similar to mine. Yes, they cried once in a while, but that never stopped them in believing in life. They never doubted their existence, and they always said that God has plans for them. I had never realized that everything they said made the biggest sense, I have always gone against their optimism, and just pursued with my own sad plans to end my life. They, too, were once stripped of their dignity, but they made it a point to still retrieve their pride. Now I envy them- I envy their optimism, their courage, their faith, and their hope. I remember my parents, they never doubted me, they helped me instead, I should still be thankful.

Maybe, I would not end my life now. Maybe not now, not me.
Under the silent slumber of the city, I lay awake. Beneath me are the promises of a brighter future that are still in the renewed process. The sound of the moving vehicles, are very audible, but now I could bear with it. The place where I lie is now warm, like the love an infant receives from his mother.

Maybe, the crackling of the ember that still remains to what I call hope should still continue to ignite a new passion. I couldn’t wait for the time to come, the time for me to open a new chapter in life.

I Hate Idiots!

2008-11-12T02:11:00.001-08:00

Oh! Girl From Hell, please give me your straw doll and i'll gladly pull the red yarn to let that idiot perish.

Yup, yes guys, you read it right. Im wishing that one of my classmates would perish, and by perishing I mean that he ought to be casted off to a deserted island with no one to offer solace to his monotonous life.

Corny? You think I wish him dead? Fat Chance! I don't wish people death, I just wish them some sort of hell-on-earth kind of scenario.

What made me think to curse him and resent him more than my current temperance can hold, well, here's the story.

It started on a really faithful monday. Yes, faithful mondays, and I don't even know how it became faithful (loser much?). Then second period starts and we have to be grouped according to our grouping in the fish bowl activity (I didnt know why that was fish bowl, because there were no bowls, only fish, and we drew the fish. WTF!). To my misfortune and my other groupmates misfortune, we were still grouped with, uhhmm, I dont know his name, or I just swore never to mention such a vile and disgusting name.

Fact is, I really dont pay attention to him, and we all dont pay attention to him. His a filthy attention seeker that does nothing good in this world and only sleeps to generate nothin in particular. He is lazy! He smells! He is hairy (I think he is related ti Bigfoot or some hairy beasts). He keeps on looking at his foot, scratches it then, smells his hand, pick his nose afterwards, and create booger-balls out of it.

TO SUMMARIZE WHAT HE IS, HE IS A COMPLETE LOSER WHO A NORMAL HUMAN BEING CANT STAY WITH EVEN FOR A FRACTION OF A SECOND. WHEN YOU MEET HIM FACE-TO-FACE, ITS LIKE GOING TO HELL AND BACK, IF YOU SURVIVE THE ENCOUNTER.

I HATE HIM! HE IS SUCH A LOSER! NO PROFANITY IS EVER ENOUGH TO DESCRIBE HIM. THAT IS HOW VILE AND ANNOYING HE IS.

Going back to the story. I wasnt really paying attention to him. Then out of the blue he just said this exact words "You know, the way you talk, you sound like a USED CAR SALESMAN, NO INSULT HERE."

Please forgive me..

PUTANG INA MO DUDE!!

No insult? Yeah right, and princess Diana is going back to life.

What do you mean no insult, you really are stupid! You dont even know what you are talking about! You dont even care you piece of s***!!

You dont care how I talk, you dont care how I do it! Its my way, its my life. Besides you are the only one whose complaining! No one complains, they bear with it, and just try to ask me later what I was talking about!

AND YOU ON THE OTHER HAND THINK YOURE SOME AWESOME GUY WHOSE SO WELL VERSED IN TALKING THAT YOU THINK YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO JUDGE AND RIDICULE OTHER PEOPLE! HOW DARE YOU! I DONT EVEN COUNT YOU AS A PERSON AND I DONT EVEN TALK TO YOU! YET OUT OF THE BLUE YOU THINK YOURE SOME GREAT SPEAKER!

DIE! F*** Y**!!

PLEASE GO AWAY FROM MY LIFE YOU DEMON!!

YOU ARE A COMPLETE FILTH, A WASTE OF MONEY. HOW COME YOU EVEN PASSED DE LA SALLE UNIVERSITY! MAYBE YOUR A WITCH, AND HEXED ALL THE TEST PAPERS!!

YOU MAKE ME SICK! YOU MAKE ME PUKE! YOU MAKE ME THINK THAT A SHIT SMELLS LIKE FLOWER COMPARED TO YOU!!

I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!

AND EVERYTIME I REMEMBER THAT TIME, I JUST FUME UP AND MAKE ME THINK WAYS ON HOW TO GET BACK!

PLEASE HELP ME GOD, I NEED RETRIBUTION FOR MY ANGER AND DIVINE INTERVENTION OVER HIS CRUMBLING LIFE..

PS:
PLEASE FORGIVE THE ALL CAPS AND THE PROFANITIES. I'M JUST SO MAD!

Vague - Unseen - Unscathe

2008-11-05T00:49:00.000-08:00

Maybe i'm blind, or worse, maybe im deaf, even worse, is that maybe im not paying attention. I have this song stuck in my head singing la-la-la over and over again-prevalent, without pauses. Maybe im delussional for im singing an empty song that resounds on unsensibility. Maybe you deem me psychotic, but psychosis itself is not interjecting the veil that shadows the darkness. Or maybe im a lunatic, begging for the solace that completely resounds nothing.

Tinkering my music box. Crossing a maze. Getting Gyges ring. Learning to fly. Swimming in a pond. Running in a thunderstorm.

Im crazy perhaps if I want to do these things. I want to traverse the unveiled possibilities that is hidden between a tantamount of mist. I want to cross a boundary that remains unscathe, a boundary that leaves me gasping for air when I resurface the water. A boundary that leaves me wet when I cross a sea of flames, and a boundary that still makes me a prisoner to my own desires.

Let me count the ways in which my redemption could somehow overshadow my failures. Let me disprove the ways in which my redemptions are all but futile. I will make you see what things I hold. But, I will also make you blind when you question me what lies in my palms.

Let us see what tomorrow beholds, at when nightfall starts, let us see where the lights will take us..

Positivism

2008-10-23T18:53:00.000-07:00

Tagumpay!

Yes, that is my battlecry for todays undertakings.

I guess I rather start out positive so I could get positive results, like if you want something, the whole conspires for you to achieve it (Paolo Coelho much?), that sort of thing. So if I really want to finish this "monster", then I might as well hope that I could really finish it.

MP - the monsters that terrorizes the lives of Computer Science students.
- if you're not a computer geek, prepared your self sucked into a roller coaster of demise and intellectual death(is it just me?).

Thats how I define MP, but, take note of the but, i'm still positive that I can finish this before the week would end (hopefully).

I know its quite vulgar and rash to define a lifeless thing as a monster that sucks out your intelligence. It really is true for me, or am I just a plain passivist over things that challenges the intellectual capability.

Maybe yes, maybe no, maybe i'll abstain.

But one thing is rest assured, I will finish finish this, even though the funds are low and the stakes are high.

*Rest if you must, but don't you quit*

Starting New, Starting Fresh

2008-10-22T19:25:00.000-07:00

Yes, that's right, i would be starting out with my blogspot again..

Call It divine intervention or something that I would once again write blogs that I once left stagnant over some time. You might as well juxtapose this new blog to my old one's.

Heck, this time, i'm starting all over again, starting over when twilight has finished its ballad and the crimson has started to sing its songs. I'm starting all over again, over the ironies that engulf the prestige that has once been downrooted to the depths of the land below. This time, I would be writing over the pleasures that sweeps over the ecstacy when euphoria has failed to save the inert lunacy that has taken place.

Lunacy...

Ecstacy...

Now that I think of those words, I get by a roller coaster sensations that makes me want to go overboard my current limits. Overboard the present norm that I am bounded to. And overboard the routinary prison that I am chained in.

Laugh with me...

Cry with me...

Lets make fun out of senseless things...

Lets make fun over people who sleep over when the bells toll...

Lets fly over the sky when the birds already failed their flight...

Lets live when the other failed to be immortal...

Lets create ironies when the world creates metaphors...

Lets say yes when they say no, and say no when they say yes...

Lets jump even when we dont want to...

Lets laugh when others are crying...

and lets rejoice, even when theres nothing to celebrate about...

I would once again face the ironies that chained me to the world of literary heresy. But those were the chains that made me a prisoner to my own desires. I want to be free but I dont want.

Let's wait and see when tomorrow's dusk is replaced yesterdays dawn.

Let's smile when lightning flashes over a rainbow.

Let's cry when I became free of the chains that bound me to my world.

I Done Thirty Percent of My MP!

2008-09-03T05:23:00.000-07:00

******a!!!

I've done my freakin' machine problem(probably 30% but that's a lot).

But, what made me seem like really stupid that, for a lot of hours yesterday, today up to this time, I wasted a lot of time contemplating on what the error was, and you want to know what it is?

You really want to??

IT WAS JUST A FREAKIN' FUDGIN' AND DELIRIOUSLY CAPITAL LETTER. A CAPITAL LETTER D THAT MADE MY LIFE HELL FOR HOURS AND HOURS OF THINKING OF THE POSSIBLE LINKER ERROR!.

But still, i'm quite happy that I was able to find a solution to my problem, even though it costed me time, a freakin headache and a throbbing teeth...

Dude! These are the things you get to experience in CCS - DLSU..

*I'm shuddering from the aircon, my head is aching so much maybe i would eat, to make it feel better*

The MP Mind Monologue..

2008-04-30T00:25:00.000-07:00

11:11 am October 23, 2008

Sitting in a far corner of the schools conservatory (please no, i'm not a priest nor a nun), while contemplating over an impossible feat of giving a solution to an intellectual problem, the machine problem.

11:13 am

I'm still sitting in that far corner, with my nose almost pressed to my laptop's screen, thinking of ways on how to debug this single error:

[Linker error] undefined reference to `display'

ld returned 1 exit status

I don't get it, I passed all the balues necessary for it to be read in the main function.

BUMMER!

11:15 am

I was able to create a unified structure that has all the variables in it so my freakin' compiler would have no difficult time tracing my codes.

*shuddering while pressing f9*

still no luck, it still showed the same error, maybe somethings wrong with my codes, I must check it, maybe I had forgotten than semi-colon.

NO! I DON'T HAVE OTHER ERRORS BUT THAT LINKER...

*shuddering and looking at the screen*

I have these variables correct and these, and that, maybe this is wrong, no! It's row wise so I should have nRow there, yes maybe this one has to be here and this should be, NO! aAnswer should be this and that, maybe cLetters would be passed, but I already tired that one. maybe this, ok lets try f9 again..

******a!

no luck!

11:20

Im on the verge of giving up, maybe just maybe I would have my last shot, and my last laugh.

Okay, I will still try...

I'm not giving up, wait for me oh' citadel of knowledge I shall be able to pledge my allegiance than no sooner than you say that the damsel is once again in distress...

In An Idle MInd : Myself

2008-03-06T22:04:00.000-08:00
What in the world would I compose in an empty stretch of electronic paper with an idle mind?

Would it be psychotic thoughts that run amock in my mind amidst my shallow shell?

Would I waste my so-called "golden time" to relate my happiness, misery, anger, or my superficial human exhausts?

Would I care if I was provoked by the entire society I seemingly not even a single care in the world I would ponder at?

Let me look for ways in which I could waste my time, waste my energy, waste anything left to be wasted.

I can't seem to find my place in the world, and that's my biggest problem, thank you very much. I always stare at nothing in particular, contemplating if I was a complete failure or whether i would emerge victorious.

Seemingly Impossible - The MP Problem

2008-02-09T05:11:00.000-08:00

Please excuse the monotonous intorduction.
I'm on a trance and on a writing spree. Hear hear!
By this time a I should be doing a freaking machine problem that I have to accomplis h two weeks before hand, and in fact im hopeful, yet loosing hope. To make matters worst, I can't seem to come up with any correct solution for this freakin' linker error (sorry but if you don't know what a linker error is, you might as well not know it, it's for your own sanity). In fact, i'm losing moments of sanity here while skirmishing and attacking myself with senseless things like I already passes this variable to that variable, yada yada yada.
It's so difficult. It is trust me. Well, if you find it easy, I would render my eternal servitude for you just to help me understand these things. Anyone up for grabs?
The fact is, I REALLY DON'T KNOW.
Please excuse my bluntness but I really dont have a single idea (well, I have a lot of ideas but I exhausted all those to no possible extent) on how to debug this thing, this monster, this abomination that has been giving me migraines for about three months. I really need help, I really need understanding, and I really need painkillers for my headache.
Spare me more time, I might give this thing a life of its own. Buy me more time and I might be able to make this thing work. Shower me with more time and I might even pass it for glittering gold.
Please justify any means that I could alleviate my idiotic plight for learning, but in fact that idiotic plight is more moronic.
Forgive me Lord if i'm cursing on my head right now on whoever gave birth to machine problems, for they gave inception to a walking problem disaster itself. But maybe, just maybe, those who invented the machine problem is a delinquent or a problem of the society as well.
Please forgive me oh souls of the departed delinquents, please dont haunt me in my nightmares or in my dormitory, I will pray for your delinquent souls to be at peace, and i might (just might, no promises here dude) make a solution to this problem.
Now, im at the last paragraph, dreading its end, because I would be going back to the headache that started it all.